Personal Growth

When “Healthy” Habits Aren’t

 

I applaud anyone who makes a commitment to improving their wellness with healthy lifestyle changes.

But what is “healthy”? It isn’t always as simple as it sounds! It’s certainly possible to overdo it with exercise, which leads to injury or to make dietary changes only to find out that today’s recommendation is tomorrow’s no-no.

The information is a growing, changing body of knowledge, and the best we can do is stay informed and be flexible (literally!). I also think it’s a fallacy to believe that one ideal will work equally well for everyone. For example, many people like eating small amounts of food several times a day rather than three bigger meals. But some folks really don’t care for that, or don’t find it practical, and that’s OK! Or, if everyone you know is into an exercise class that doesn’t appeal to you, do something that YOU enjoy instead!

And take everyone’s advice—even mine!—with a grain of salt. (Just not too much salt because, you know, watch your sodium intake.) Here’s a fun list from an article I read recently about habits that might seem supportive of good health, but really aren’t.

Brushing our teeth right after we eat. It might seem like it would be a good idea to brush immediately after eating, before the bacteria has a chance to multiply and do any damage. But the Academy of General Dentistry says if we eat or drink something that’s acidic like citrus, tomatoes, or soda, brushing within 30 minutes can actually “scratch” the acid right into the enamel of our teeth. This helps erode the enamel and leaves us susceptible to more harm. Better to rinse with water immediately after eating, and wait a half hour to brush.

Avoiding fat. For years “experts” told us if we wanted to lose unwanted pounds and maintain a healthy weight, we needed to eliminate fat from our diet. But selections low in fat are usually loaded with sugars and salt to make them palatable. And not eating enough fat causes other problems, from dry skin and constipation, to difficulty absorbing fat-soluble vitamins and even decreased brain function. See a nutritionist to get the latest science-based information on balancing healthy nutrients in your diet, which might include some fats like olive oil (and even butter!), certain nuts and seeds, and avocado.

Always putting our best face forward. While lashing out is never a welcome reaction, it’s not good to stuff down our feelings either. Sometimes feeling angry or irritated is appropriate, and holding it in can increase our chances of developing depression, high blood pressure, increased pain sensitivity and other ailments. When the time is right (usually not in the heat of the moment), there are healthy ways to engage in constructive dialog, such as “When you did X, it made me feel Y.” Let’s always try to offer solutions or alternatives.

Reusing grocery totes. OK, taking our own bags to the store is actually a great thing to do! But we need to wash them regularly!! And putting them in the dryer can help kill bacteria. If we don’t wash them, they get pretty gross.

Exercise—when we do our favorite workout ALL the time. If we do the same routine every time, we run the risk of injuring ourselves from stressing the same muscles over and over again. It’s far better to mix it up. We reduce the chance of overuse injury, and we really benefit from alternating cardio, weights/resistance, flexibility, and balance work.

Stretching before working out. Theories about stretching have really changed over the years. The most current research shows that stretching while muscles are cold could strain or tear them, and stretching before an athletic event can leave some joints more lax—which leads to injury. Better to warm up a bit slowly before more rigorous exercise, and stretch after our workouts while our muscles are still warm.

Source: “Healthy Habits that Can Haunt You,” by Stacey Colino, “Parade” Magazine, September 24, 2017

 

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth

Do You Need a Tech Time Out?

 

 

We hear a lot about cleansing detox programs these days. Many see the value in eating clean, ridding our bodies of pollutants that cause inflammation, and flushing out toxins.

Have you ever considered how cleansing it might be to give our brains a break from technology and devices?

Checking emails, texts and social media gives us a shot of dopamine similar to other drugs and pleasurable behaviors. So it’s easy to get into the habit of overdoing it. And, as with other addictive habits, too much tech time is hard on our brains. It keeps us stimulated.

It might be wise to cut back and give our minds some rest—and time for different kinds of input and experiences. But how?

A book by Nancy Colier titled “Power of Off” outlines a tech detox plan that focuses on the psychology behind why we might have an unhealthy attachment to technology. Rather than trying simply to quit or cut back just because we think we ought to, Colier recommends peeling back layers of what’s really motivating us to overdo it.

By reflecting on our reasons, we can more easily make changes to our behavior. She suggests the next time you want to check your phone stop yourself and ask—am I doing this out of habit? Do I really NEED to check it right now? If your answers are yes and no respectively, redirect yourself to do something else. Because your habit is impulsive, almost more involuntary than meaningful.

The next step is to think about how you would feel if you didn’t check your phone. Would you feel bored? Would you be anxious? Are we distracting ourselves from something uncomfortable? For example, if you’re supposed to be studying or writing a blog, do you check emails, texts or social media just to give yourself a break from the work? But when you really reflect on it—is it a quick, pleasant break, or is it really interfering with your focus?

People who commit to giving up technology at least part of the time enjoy significant benefits. For example, if you really did need a break from working or studying, what if you went for a quick walk outside instead? You’d get fresh air and vitamin D, a little exercise and a chance to clear your head. If we check our phones every time we ride an elevator or wait in line, we miss opportunities to rest our brains so we have more mental energy available when we need it.

Right before bed is another time to put tech in time out. Devices keep our brains stimulated, and we need to wind down. If we listen to music, read an old-fashioned book, or talk to each other (if you live alone, call a friend rather than text her or him). All of these help us feel calmer and more connected to real people.

Here are two other ways to detox:

Make the first hour of each day after waking completely tech-free. Checking our email first thing in the morning puts us in a reactive state, which can make us more anxious throughout the day.
Try to enjoy the moment when you’re at an event. Put down your device. We get so caught up in recording our lives that we forget to enjoy them.

Source: “The Health Nut,” by Amy Brightfield, Better Homes & Gardens, August 2017

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth

Recovering from a Hurricane

I survived staying put through my second hurricane in eleven months and, like most Floridians, I am now regrouping and recovering from Irma.

For me, the damage was largely emotional. I lost power at home for just 3 days and found respite in my office with A/C and working outlets to recharge devices. My business sign blew down US 1 in tiny pieces. A total of 3 shingles were pulled off the roof of my house. Small branches broke and many of my plants looked like they had taken a beating. Because they had!

Although physical damage was minimal, I felt like I had taken a beating as well. I was already working through a couple of personal and financial crises when the storm approached. Even though I deliberately avoided sensationalized news outlets and checked in only periodically with data-based weather websites, tracking the storm’s changing forecasts was unnerving. Uncertainty is like that.

When the storm raged outside, I reminded myself that fretting doesn’t help. I focused on my breathing. I imagined that my guardian angel was hugging the outside of the house, literally wrapping her wings around the structure for protection. And I visualized the inside of the house being so completely filled to the brim with love, that there was no way the house could collapse. I would calm myself by self-talk like: instead of wondering “what if” something awful happens, imagine instead “what if” everything is perfectly fine?

I would start to feel pretty safe and optimistic. And then that small voice in my head would pipe up and ask, yea but what if a piece of the roof does fly off? Which part of the house do you run to? Do you just go and save yourself, or do you make sure the kids wake up and get to a safe area as well? Do you just go to the nearest closet, or do you make sure you grab the important documents and a gallon of water on the way?

Then I would repeat the process of breathing and meditation and visualization. I dozed off. Then my phone blasted me awake with the warning siren. It was a flash flood warning. I was thankful it wasn’t a tornado warning.

And that’s why I had trouble remaining calm—because the threat was real. I was in fight-or-flight mode. I did my best not to make it worse with unnecessary worry. But our nervous systems are hard-wired to keep us safe, and that means being alert when our nervous systems feel like it’s important for us to be alert.

After the threat has passed, we have to deal with the aftermath. There’s a chemical process that happens with re-balancing adrenaline and cortisol and all the stress hormones. If you’ve ever been in a car accident or had a bad fall, you might recall the feelings of shock and soreness afterward, sometimes days afterward. These processes happen after any kind of trauma.

Self-care is especially important at a time like this. I re-shared a post on Facebook yesterday addressing the possibility of adrenal fatigue—when our adrenal glands are too stressed to help us cope with stress. The author writes, “You could feel some of the following symptoms: more fatigued, then normal, more emotional, less ability to handle stress, have low back pain, hormonal imbalance, restless sleep, low sex drive, dizziness, and have less strength and stamina physically.”

Here are the tips she shared for dealing with adrenal fatigue:

Sleep. Get some rest. If we feel extra tired, we need to give our bodies what they require by going to bed earlier, sleeping in later, and/or taking naps.

Go easy on the exercise. You might be eager to get back to your workout routine, but this is not the time to push for new personal bests. Go a little slower, push a little less, allow more time for things like yoga or Tai Chi.

Release emotions. Cry, journal, meditate, have a massage or reflexology or acupuncture session. While we all want to “get back to normal,” it’s not “normal” to go through a night wondering—with good reason—whether our home/community/livelihood/way of life will be destroyed. We need time to heal.

Take supplements. There are supplements to help adrenal glands recover. While this is outside of my scope of practice, I think it’s worthwhile to ask your doctor or nutritionist about it. And certainly, eating healthy to give our bodies the nutrients we need to for strength and wellness is always a good idea.

The article concludes: “Ignoring symptoms and just pushing through will only make you more exhausted in the long run…. When you go through a stressful incident or experience trauma you need to let yourself heal and recover.”

I agree. If you need solitude, give yourself permission. If you need to laugh with a friend, reach out to someone. People are stressed right now. We need to be gentle and kind to each other—and to ourselves!

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth

Finding Joy

 

Last week I was reminded to find joy every day, even if it’s in little things we really enjoy, such as savoring a delicious cup of coffee peacefully in the morning.

“What makes you happy?” we were asked. People said kids, exercise, helping others, laughing with friends. Happiness doesn’t just come from monumental occurrences. We were challenged to think about the last 24 hours and recall three good things that happened that made us happy. And to be specific. Where were we, what was said, how did we feel? Writing down specifics helps us remember and draw on those good feelings again whenever we need to.

It reminded me of an exercise a friend tasked me with several years ago: make a list of 100 things you’re grateful for. A gratitude list.

Try it! Literally take out paper and pen or pencil and number line by line from 1 to 100. At first, I found myself “cheating” in ways like naming each of my kids separately rather than having “my kids” as just one line item.

But as I kept at it, ideas started flowing almost faster than I could write them down. Think about indoor plumbing. How great is it that we can turn a handle and have running water anytime we please? And in most cases, it’s very clean water. We can choose hot, warm or cold. We can drink it, cook with it, draw a bath or run a shower, flush our waste away in a toilet, wash our clothes in a machine that does the work for us with a push of a button!

Not everyone has clean, running water, and I’m extremely grateful for it. I’m grateful for the eyeglasses that help me see clearly. I’m grateful for air conditioning. I’m grateful for my garden and the butterflies and bees and hummingbirds that visit daily. I’m grateful to live in a wonderful community, where I feel safe and am surrounded by natural beauty. I’m grateful to have so much energizing sunshine (have you ever lived through a gray, gloomy winter?) but I’m also so grateful when we get a nice rain. I’m grateful that I have a super comfortable rocking chair. I like to read in it—I’m grateful that I know how to read! I’m grateful for my health, family, home, car, dogs, friends, rewarding work, the computer I type this on, the Internet!, the abundance of food and gas and all the supplies we need, and on and on.

Reflecting on what I’m grateful for makes me happy! And this reminds me of another exercise, one that some people call keeping a blessing jar.

The idea is to keep an open jar on the kitchen counter or some place very handy and visible. Make it a big jar, like a cookie jar. Each time something good happens, write it down on a little slip of paper and put it in the jar. Whenever the jar gets full, or whenever you need a pick-me-up, pull out the notes and reflect on all the good things that have happened in the recent past.

It’s remarkable how quickly we can forget the good stuff, and how easy it is to take little joys for granted. Recalling even small successes and highlights of our days can make us feel happy AND grateful.

And that is a blessing!

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth

Deliberate Words of Kindness

I recently had the honor of attending my great-niece’s Bat Mitzvah. I’ve been to two such services, and it’s a somber, religious occasion.

It’s also personal and very meaningful to the young person and her family. My favorite part is when the parents get to address their daughter. They typically heap praise on her for how hard she had to work to prepare for the day. And they also recall stories that tell about her character in general.

This is an opportunity for parents to stand up and publicly tell their child how wonderful she is, how much they love her, and how proud they feel. It brings a tear to the eye just to witness the power and beauty of that.

Never in my upbringing was there such an opportunity. My dad made sure I knew he believed in me in his own quiet way. My mom was more reserved and critical. Atta-girls were very scarce in my Catholic school. I don’t remember anyone toasting in a meaningful way at my wedding. I remember receiving a few accolades when I worked in an office and feeling very moved when the recognition happened.

And maybe that’s appropriate. Maybe if we work hard to earn praise and it is reserved for special achievements, it is that much more rewarding.

But let’s not be too stingy! Let’s never underestimate the power of a kudos. Sometimes a kind word can make all the difference in someone’s day. What if someone has not heard any encouragement in a long while, and might really be uplifted by a compliment?

“When you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. It may take seconds to say, but for them it could last a lifetime.” — Unknown

I bet my great-niece will remember her Bat Mitzvah for a lifetime. What if we could each have a positive influence on someone, albeit in a much smaller way, simply by being bold enough to say something nice about them?

Let’s find ways to spread goodness, not only through “random acts of kindness,” but also through deliberate words of kindness.

Goodness knows the world could use more kindness!

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth

Today Is Special

 

“Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.” — Regina Brett

We’ve all heard the quotable quotes: Seize the day! Tomorrow is promised to no one! Enjoy life now, this is not a rehearsal!

When you hear these sentiments, how do you feel? Does it go in one ear and out the other? Or do you pause to think about it, but dismiss the thought? Live more fully—who has the time? I have to … (work, take care of the kids/grandkids/parents, clean the house, work in the yard, organize the garage, do volunteer duty, etc. etc. etc.)

We do have to be practical. But I can share with you a few observations. I sometimes see people at their worst: stressed out, in pain from overdoing and self-neglecting, tired and frustrated and irritable.

I also get to see people at their best: looking forward to or retelling about a vacation or special event. One client delights in sharing plans for each next trip off the “bucket list.” One details with a smile how the fishing has been since his last appointment and any new venues visited for dinner and dancing. One client lights up describing art projects in progress, music concerts coming up for the community band she plays in, and family gatherings being organized.

Do you have something you’re looking forward to? How/when will you make it happen? My mom and dad were always going to go to Hawaii when my dad retired. They talked about it often. Then my dad died suddenly of heart failure at age 59. He never got to retire, and they never made it to Hawaii.

If you have a trip you’ve been wanting to take, some china you’ve been waiting to use, a class or new hobby you’ve been curious to explore—I encourage you to do it now!

I’ll always remember the words an elderly client said to me once. She had been a caretaker for her husband, many years her senior, as he declined in his final years. She had injured her back lifting and helping him. By the time I met her, she was older, too frail to travel and do her bucket list items, and alone, missing her travel companion/life partner.

She looked at me with sad eyes one day and said, “I always thought I’d have more time.” Meaning, more time to be vibrant, to move around with ease, to explore all that life has to offer.

We don’t know how much time we have. Let’s not wait to take the trip, to wear the fancy lingerie, or use the nicest sheets, china, or candle!

I love this quote from an unknown author: “There are 7 days in a week, and ‘someday’ isn’t one of them.”

Here’s another: “Many great things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow.” —Unknown

Today is special! What great thing can be done today?

Category : Blog &Health &Massage Therapy &Personal Growth

Increasing Our Resilience

 

Virtually every day we have to deal with stress. Clearly too much chronic, day-in-day-out stress is bad for us, and we’ve learned about the physical and mental repercussions of that and strategies for managing them.

But unexpected things happen, and usually bring stress. How do we build the mental fortitude we need to deal with it? Believe it or not, we can practice skills to increase our resilience, so that when a major life event causes stress, we can cope. If we can deal with stress better mentally and emotionally, the physical effects will be lessened as well.

An article in the “New York Times” titled “How to Build Resilience in Midlife,” by Tara Parker-Pope gives us techniques to “stretch our resilience muscle.” Professor and author Dr. Adam Grant says, ““There is a naturally learnable set of behaviors that contribute to resilience,” and he claims that adults—because of the perspective that comes from life experience and (hopefully!) the ability to regulate our emotions—are in a great position to deliberately boost our emotional survival skills.

Here are the tips Parker-Pope recommends:

1. Be optimistic. As with most traits, optimism is part nature and part nurture. So even if we’re not natural born optimists, we can still work on increasing our positivity. That doesn’t mean we deny the reality of challenges or negative events. But we can always choose how to react to situations. The example she gives is when a person loses their job. An optimist would replace dire thoughts like “I’ll never recover from this,” with “This is going to be difficult, but it’s a chance to rethink my life goals and find work that truly makes me happy.”

More and more research confirms that reframing how we look at things, and changing our internal dialog to more positive self-talk, really does improve our outlook and our ability to cope with the inevitable hurdles of life. So does surrounding ourselves with more positive, optimistic people.

2. Don’t take it personally. We are quick to blame ourselves when something bad happens, and ruminate about what we could have done differently. To build resilience, we can remind ourselves that even if we did make a mistake, there were likely numerous factors that contributed to the situation. It’s rarely ever ALL one person’s fault. Practice self-compassion (forgiveness!), and shift into problem-solving mode: what can we do now to repair any damage and prevent similar mistakes from happening in the future?

Smart companies have a corporate model of looking at mistakes as procedural, not personal, and they use the opportunity to refine processes and training.

3. Recall previous triumphs. We get a resilience boost by remembering challenges we have overcome in the past. Although a common strategy is to be grateful that things aren’t worse (and even calling to mind someone who has it worse than ourselves), a better exercise is to look back and say—I’ve made it through something even worse than this in the past. This is not the toughest thing I have ever faced or will ever face. I know I can handle this!

4. Be of service to others. While it’s really important to have a support network, it’s even more empowering to BE part of something larger than ourselves. Studies show that gratitude, altruism, and a sense of purpose lead to greater resiliency. Experts say a key component of being resilient is taking responsibility for our lives—creating a life we consider to be meaningful and finding our purpose. It doesn’t have to be a grand mission, but even if our purpose is to support our own family, that focus can see us through all kinds of adversity.

5. Make peace with stress. Stress is an inevitable element of life. Some would even argue that a little bit of stress is good for us and necessary. (Think how boring life would be with no challenges whatsoever!) So rather than resist it or dread it, one expert suggests we just welcome it as an opportunity for personal growth, AND create concrete opportunities to recover. Taking a walk, meditating, laughing with friends—we can schedule breaks from stress just as we schedule breaks from strenuous workouts.

6. Commit to a challenge. We can build resilience by pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones. Take an adventure vacation. Climb a mountain! Or go skydiving. Or finish a half marathon or triathlon. Or share your writing at a poetry night. Or sing karaoke. Each time we rise to the occasion, our bodies become better at processing stress hormones. If we live our lives with regular opportunities to overcome stress, we get better and better at it. Then we are in a better position to cope when a crisis arises.

Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/25/well/mind/how-to-boost-resilience-in-midlife.html

Category : Blog &Health &Massage Therapy &Personal Growth

Why Can’t We Just Get Along?

 

Many people who write about such things are opining that as a nation, we are more divided than ever before, with the possible exception of the Civil War era.

It seems that way to me as well. And it’s causing some real problems. It also seems like a lot of people are starting to get tired of it.

But how could we possibly resolve our differences? We are not ever going to all agree, nor should we. But there are two things we can do to get back to at least tolerating each other, and behaving with honor and integrity and civility rather than with anger and distrust and close-minded resentment.

Step one: compassion. A video popped up on my Facebook feed titled “The Importance of Empathy.” Critical to getting along with each other—even if we don’t see eye to eye—is our level of empathy, which actually can be improved with practice. Here’s how:
Be observant of others. It starts by putting down our devices and noticing each other. Watch people, and wonder about them without making judgments. Be curious.

Practice active listening. Too often we decide what our response will be without fully listening to what the other person is saying. We think we already know the other person’s position. We engage in a sort of verbal combat. It’s much better to stay fully focused on what the other person is actually saying. Pause. Ask questions to really clarify. Then think about how to respond. We don’t have to agree with each other, but at least we can try to understand and acknowledge each other’s point of view. And if we’re really open-minded, we might even allow one another’s ideas to more fully expand our own understanding.

Share. Equally important to listening to another person’s experiences and opinions, is opening up and sharing our own feelings and views. This can be scary because we don’t know how we’ll be received. But empathy is a two-way street. Both parties must share openly in order to discover commonalities.

Keeping an open mind is the best way to avoid the prejudicial classifying of people who disagree with us as “others.” When we experience a divide between ourselves and people who are different from us (liberal vs. conservative, for example), we cut ourselves off from a rich, shared experience. We really do have more in common than not!

Step two: service. Doing something helpful without expecting anything in return is perhaps the ultimate way to build goodwill and bridge the divide.

In addition to the “typical” volunteer opportunities that might be too time consuming, consider how even small things can have a big impact. One author has some unique and simple suggestions, such as:

inviting someone who needs help getting enough exercise to go on a walk with us
sharing flowers or veggies from our garden
offering to babysit or walk a pet for someone who needs assistance
donate pet food to a local animal shelter, or diapers to a women’s shelter, or donate blood
being open to learning a new language (in our area, American Sign Language for example) so that we can get to know more people, and be in a position to understand if anyone needs help while we’re out and about.

The point is, there are many ways to lift people up and beautify the world. This author suggests that when we do our morning meditation, we ask ourselves what can we do to be of service today? It doesn’t take much! How much better off would we be if each of us picked up at least one piece of litter each day? Or tossed wildflower seeds into a blighted vacant lot? Or smiled and offered a compliment to a stranger who seemed sad.

Maybe this is how we heal our country right now. We get to know each other a little better, and be willing to give of ourselves.

Sources:
https://lifehacker.com/the-importance-of-empathy-in-everyday-life-1791961488

http://dailyom.com/cgi-bin/display/articledisplay.cgi?aid=58605

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth

Fighting Evil with Love

 

Last week I attended the Rotary International Convention in Atlanta. Rotary is a huge, global organization devoted to service. Rotarians excel at pulling resources together to tackle challenges from small to so large that they would seem insurmountable. One such challenge is ending slavery and human trafficking.

Florida is a state with lots of coastline and many ports—a key entry corridor for trafficking people into the country. Of course, not all people are trafficked from foreign lands. I personally know of two gentlemen who were “recruited” from Maryland when they were homeless, offered jobs working farm fields in sunny, warm Florida for “wages” that would never cover the “living expenses” of staying on the farm camp and relying completely on food, clothing and other supplies sparingly, but not inexpensively provided by the camp boss. Of course, they didn’t know this when they accepted the “job offer.” Once on the truck to Florida, with no money or transportation or even a cell phone, they were trapped. They are now free, but the practice continues in our own county and communities across the country.

All over the nation, places as common as truck stops perpetuate the practice of selling sex falsely advertised as “massage” services. I’m proud of the work that the Florida State Massage Therapy Association and the State of Florida have done and are doing to combat this problem. Law enforcement does what it can, but they are busy, there are sneaky ways around most statutes to make establishments just barely legal on the surface and hard to catch in the act. And there seems to be a never-ending supply of people willing to buy and people willing to profit off of the victimization of others.

Even in Las Vegas where prostitution is legal, it would be a mistake to assume that the women participating in the sex trade are doing so of their own free will. One of the speakers at the Rotary Convention was a woman who was lured to Vegas by someone she thought was a love interest. He wooed her for over a year during a time when she was emotionally vulnerable, and she traveled with him to start a new life. Once in Vegas isolated from her family and support network, she was immediately sold for rape, beaten into compliance, repeatedly moved around and taken over by new handlers until she was rescued in a police raid some seven years later. Another aspect of ending this practice is helping the survivors. With physical and mental scars, a huge gap in employment AND a criminal record, these victims have a very hard time moving forward.

One of the panel discussions I attended at the Rotary Convention featured a law enforcement official, an elected government representative, and none other than Ashton Kutcher, an actor-activist who founded an organization called Thorn dedicated to fighting sex trafficking via the internet.

The law enforcement officer talked about seeing people at their absolute ugliest, and the need to devote more resources to combatting this challenge and imposing harsher punishments. The politician talked about working on tougher legislation and finding ways to fund services for survivors.

And while these are worthwhile efforts to be sure, it was Ashton Kutcher who inspired me the most. He acknowledged most honestly that we’ll never be able to arrest our way out of this problem. We have to go to the source, the buyers of sex. But how?

Kutcher admitted that when Thorn first started, and discovered a way to find online sex offenders, they badgered them with messages like “we know who you are,” and “we know what you’re doing.” But this was not successful. Instead of feeling ashamed or changing their ways, the perpetrators got angry and pushed back.

So Thorn changed tactics. Learning that it doesn’t help to get angry or frustrated in return, they decided instead to reach out with compassion.

They started educating the customers about what they were really buying. They shared images of battered women who had been forced into the trade. They shared resources for people to get help overcoming sex addiction.

And it’s making a difference! Here is a link to their page reporting all the progress they’ve made, and new programs they continue to implement: https://www.wearethorn.org/impact-report-2016/

Just when a problem seems too immense to tackle, the answer becomes beautifully clear—and this came up again and again in different presentations throughout the convention—the best way to fight evil is with love. My favorite speaker was civil rights activist Andrew Young, who preached a compelling message of love and personal responsibility in reflecting on how best to fight prejudice and end discrimination.

If you’re inspired to learn what you can do to end slavery and human trafficking, the State Department has a page listing 15 ways we all can help: https://www.state.gov/j/tip/id/help/

And here’s a link to many different agencies fighting this horrific issue: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_organizations_that_combat_human_trafficking

Category : Blog &Health &Massage Therapy &Personal Growth

Do You Believe in Mind Over Matter?

 

I just started a new book titled, “Cure: A Journey Into the Science of Mind Over Body,” by Jo Marchant. The “Wall Street Journal” writes about the book: “‘Cure’ is a cautious, scrupulous investigation of how the brain can help heal our bodies. It is also an important look at the flip side of this coin, which is how brains damaged by stress may make bodies succumb to physical illness or accelerated aging…’Cure’ points a way toward a future in which the two camps [mainstream medicine and alternative therapies] might work together.”

The author attempts to separate fact from opinion. She makes reference to another book I read called “The Biology of Belief” by Bruce Lipton. In his book, Lipton presents research showing actual physiological changes in our cells that occur when we think positively. This is good news, because it dispels the old belief that if a certain disease “runs in our family,” if a predisposition is carried in our DNA, then it’s basically pre-destined and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Lipton argues that there IS something we can do about it. Clearly we are products of nature AND nurture, and our DNA (nature) is only a set of instructions. Something (nurture) has to turn the instructions “on.” So even if, say, I had a hereditary predisposition to heart disease (which I do), if I eat healthy, exercise, avoid smoking, etc., the instructions for heart disease may never get switched on.

I’m a believer. And I would argue that even if the instructions were triggered, and a disease process was initiated, our attitude toward it would make a huge difference in our outcome.

I see it time and time again in my office. A positive attitude makes all the difference when a client is facing a major surgery, for example. Those who go in believing firmly that the procedure will go well, their recovery will be swift and complete, and who commit to doing everything in their power to support their own healing and rehabilitation, have a much higher success rate than those who worry and complain and make excuses or resist making healthy behavior choices.

Here’s an example of how much our attitude can affect our wellness. Let’s say someone experiences back pain and is diagnosed with something like degenerative disc disease. While it’s true that our soft tissues do deteriorate over time, and there’s nothing we can do about the fact that our bodies are not designed to function indefinitely, there IS something we can do about keeping our backs as healthy as possible as we age.

There is a big difference between “I have a bad back and there’s nothing I can do about it,” and “My back may be vulnerable, but I’m going to learn how to safely strengthen my core and stretch; eat well, stay hydrated and get enough rest; and recruit help like physical therapy, massage therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture and reflexology to stay active and support my strong, healthy back.”

The first attitude leads us to limit activity, be fearful and maybe even sad, and baby our “bad back”—which leads to a downward spiral of further diminished health due to lack of exercise, stretching and self care.

The second approach leads to increased vitality, even given a condition we must be mindful of.

Study after study is confirming that some of the most important factors to good health and long life are feelings of connectedness and purpose—healthy relationships, including being at peace within ourselves.

I can honestly say that I see this in my practice, and in my own life. My family is predisposed to heart health problems. We all tend to hold on to extra pounds, have high cholesterol, and develop high blood pressure. I went through a lot of therapy during my “mid life crisis,” and tried my hardest to come to terms with my baggage. I’m in a much better place now mentally and emotionally, and I’m changing a lot of old patterns. The weight is coming off. I’m the only one of my siblings not on high blood pressure medicine.

In my opinion and experience, there is truly a mind-body-spirit connection. Taking care of our mental health and nurturing our spirit is every bit as important as taking care of our physical being.

There is an old Cherokee legend of a grandfather teaching his grandson about our inner struggle between evil—anger, jealousy, greed, arrogance, etc.—and good (joy, peace, love, hope, kindness) as if the two forces were literally two wolves fighting. The boy thinks for a moment about this very human inner conflict and asks, “Which wolf will win?” The grandfather answers, “The one you feed.”

If you are facing a health challenge, you get to choose between feeling defeated and feeling empowered. I hope you “feed” the more positive approach (lots of healthy nourishment!). Please let me know if I can help!

Category : Blog &Health &Personal Growth